How to Orgasm from Oral Sex

Publish date: 2024-06-17

People say that life is more about giving than receiving, but in this case, you deserve to enjoy all the receiving you can get. We often think of the climax as the most important part of oral sex, but in reality there is more to receiving oral sex than having an orgasm — the closeness with a partner and sensation alone can be satisfying. However, we’re probably all in agreement that an O is often the cherry on top of an oral sex session.

You may have questions about getting there, though. That can sometimes be tricky, even if your partner is eager, willing and doing their best to send you into the stratosphere. It often takes time for a partner to learn what’s best for you (which is why communication is key during sex!). Related story The 5 Best Sex Positions for When It's Way Too Hot Out

“Sex is a two-way thing, even oral,” says Alex B. Porter, author of The Cunnilinguist: How To Give And Receive Great Oral Sex. “You can’t just expect to lie there and have an orgasm delivered on a plate. For most of us with a vulva, that’s simply not possible. You need to be involved, mentally and physically.”

For some pro tips on how to have an orgasm during oral sex, including getting in the mood, making sure you and your partner are comfortable, and even how to breathe the right way to reach an O, keep on scrolling.

Get as comfortable as possible.

If the play is taking place at your place, prep it in advance, Porter says. Do scented candles do it for you? Music? Are you a lights-on or lights-off kind of gal? Then, it’s time for foreplay with your partner — and lots of it — before they go downtown. Think of oral as the main event, not a stop on the way to penetrative sex. “Engaging in a lot of foreplay, kissing, touching, stroking — just getting your juices flowing for a while before oral sex — can help you stay in the moment,” says Elle Chase, ACS, certified sex educator and author of Curvy Girl Sex.

As you start to get aroused, do a body scan: Do you feel comfortable? Is your partner comfortable? Is there anything in your environment that’s distracting you? “Don’t be afraid to cover up,” Porter says. “Keep your top half on or your bra if it helps ease anxiety. Have a pillow or blanket at hand if you feel too exposed or start to get a chill.” Being in tune with your body is going to help you stay in the mood. Related story The 5 Best Sex Positions for When It's Way Too Hot Out

Assume the perfect position.

One you’re thoroughly turned on and ready to go, grab a pillow and place it under your butt, and put your head and neck on one, too. “[This] will help with your comfort and tilt the pelvis, placing the clit in a more accessible position and giving your partner better, easier access to pleasure you,” Porter says. “Don’t spread your legs too far; about shoulder-width is best — just enough for your partner to fit between them. This keeps the pelvis tighter together and can increase sensation.”

Focus on your breathing.

“Many of us take shallow breaths during sex,” Chase says. “Making sure you’re taking nice deep breaths will keep you in the moment and more apt to receive.” In other words, instead of breathing through your chest, take a deep breath, from your belly.

In fact, go further than that: “Close your eyes and become absorbed in the sensations,” Porter says. “Feel every in-and-out breath travel through your body — right down your entire body to your clit and toes. Allow yourself to become lost and engulfed in the moment.”

Be the director of your own orgasm.

Now that your partner is down below, stay involved. Communication is not only necessary during sex, but telling your partner what you like can be a huge turn-on for both of you. “Giving them directions in a positive way, like, ‘That feels good, a little to the left’ should do the trick,” Chase says. “But if they’re not even in the right ballpark, consider the more direct approach. Touch or expose the area you want them to go to town on, and say something simple like, ‘Right there.’ It will get the point across right away.”

Go wild expressing yourself physically, too: “Touch yourself. Feel and grope your breasts, slide your hands down your body,” Porter says. “Join in with your partner in turning yourself on. This can really ramp up sensation, and, mentally, it helps you let go and become more in the moment.”

When things really heat up, don’t be afraid to guide your partner’s head or grip it and hold it when they’re doing exactly what you like. Grind against their face if you want to. Trust us, your partner will love the feedback.

If your partner needs more practice, teach them: Masturbate in front of them and playfully tell them they can’t touch. “Tease them until they’re literally drooling over you,” Porter says. It’s educational — and also, you’ll be that much closer to an O.

Remember: There’s no such thing as taking too long.

“You take the time you take and that’s that,” Chase says. “Sometimes it could take 10 minutes, sometimes it could take 20 minutes, and sometimes it might take longer. The point is, feeling rushed to have an orgasm works against the ability to orgasm.”

However, if you start to feel that oral sex is just not doing the trick, give your partner’s neck and tongue a break and try something different to get that O. A sex toy for couples might even be the answer to take you there.

“As a couple, you need to remember that you’re having sex for pleasure, and while both of you may be desperate for it to be via a mind-blowing oral orgasm, that just might not be the case this time,” Porter says. “If it ends up being fingers, a vibrator, or something else, that’s okay. The oral will have contributed to bringing you to orgasm; it just might not be the thing that delivers the final kick every time.” And if you don’t reach that moment, appreciate any pleasure you did find in the oral sex, including that you just had a steamy sesh connecting you closer to a partner and learned plenty for next time.

Turns out orgasms are far more complicated than we ever thought! Here’s a few orgasms you may not know you could have: