The Fatherly Guide To Sleep Training

Sleep Training Methods

Cry It Out

Also known as “extinction,” the Cry It Out sleep training method (CIO) involves parents going through a bedtime routine, cuddling their baby before bed, kissing them goodnight, shutting the door, and not responding to cries. The baby eventually gets tired out from crying and/or eventually soothes themselves back to sleep. It was popularized by Dr. Marc Weissbluth.

Cry It Out is wildly controversial. Many parents feel that not responding to a baby’s cries will cause irreparable trauma and teach babies that parents aren’t to be relied upon to address their needs, either waking or sleeping. Other parents feel that the Cry It Out sleep training method is simply too painful for themselves and can’t understand how a person could simply listen to their child cry.

The proponents of the method note that it is efficient. Most parents who have practiced the CIO method say that a child can be sleep trained within about three days, and so, while unpleasant in the short term, is better for both child and parents in the long run.

As for the questions of trauma or the possibility of a baby losing their attachment to their parents, studies are inconclusive on the psychological effects, if any, that the CIO method might have on a child. Inconclusive does not mean there isn’t any harm in the method — nor does it mean that it will damage the child. That said, if parents are concerned, they should skip this method for one they feel more comfortable with.

The Ferber Method

A kinder, gentler version of Cry It Out, the Ferber Method, or Ferberization, was developed by Dr. Richard Ferber. It’s also known as “graduated extinction” because parents gradually increase the amount of time they allow the baby to cry alone until the child learns to self-soothe.

The Ferber Method occurs in a set series of intervals. Parents begin by completing their bedtime routine, cuddling their child, laying them down, and then leaving the room. The first few nights, parents respond to the babies cries quickly, patting the child on the back and offering reassurance until the baby is calm, at which point the parent leaves again. In subsequent nights the parent gradually increases the amount of time they allow the baby to cry until eventually the child is left to soothe themselves.

Critics of the Ferber Method consider it just as bad as CIO. However, many parents who might have been drawn to CIO often choose Ferberization because it allows them to respond to their babies cries at least part of the time.

Studies on the effects of Ferberization on a baby’s attachment or psychological outcomes are much the same as CIO. There is no conclusive evidence of long-term harm. But again, parents should expect that at some point they will have to listen to their baby cry and not respond.

Fading

Parents who use the Fading sleep training method very gradually distance themselves from their baby over time. Unlike other methods, parents offer very little verbal and physical comfort as they increase their physical distance from their kid night by night. Some crying is expected.

The main difference between Fading and Ferberization is that parents start out in their child’s room, putting their baby down after a bedtime routine, while their child is drowsy but not yet fully asleep. Parents then stay by their child’s side as the baby falls asleep. As nights progress, parents begin increasing their physical distance to their child. So, if they started out by their crib, they will move a few feet away. On subsequent nights they will move still further away while remaining in sight of their child.

When the baby fusses, parents using the Fading method are encouraged to offer verbal cues like a hushing sound or soft reassurances that they are present, while maintaining minimal physical contact so that the baby can learn to soothe themselves to sleep. While fading is considered “gentler” than the Ferber Method or CIO by its proponents, the baby will likely cry as a parent’s distance increases.

Gentle Sleep Training: The No Tears Methods

“No Tears” sleep training is a catch-all term for Gentle Sleep Training methods that have responsiveness at their core. In these methods, parents take time to cuddle and soothe their baby back to sleep when they wake, often while using a consistent sleep trigger-word or phrase.

Gentle Sleep Training methods lean on consistency, not only in parental response to their baby but also in the bedtime routine that leads up to actually putting a child to bed. The idea is to create a series of cues that help a baby understand that they are transitioning from hours of sun and playtime to quiet sleepy hours.

There is a multitude of ways that parents can respond to their babies cries once they have put their baby to bed. Some parents may use a Fading-type technique by staying in the room and gradually increasing the distance between themselves and the baby night but night, but also responding to a baby’s cries by picking them up, shushing them, and rocking them until they are drowsy again.

Other parents may choose to leave the room and come back to soothe only when children cry but remain outside the room if a baby is simply fussy. At any rate, the end goal is the same as every sleep training method in that parents are helping a child develop techniques to self-soothe, so that if they wake up, they can put themselves back to sleep. While No Tears sleep training methods feel less stressful for both parent and baby, they require more involvement for a longer time.

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